On Compassion and Power
As the founder of The Empowerment Centre, the topics of power and compassion are often part of my discussion with clients and students. One question that often arises is how to be in ones power AND compassion at the same time.
This week I had the opportunity to experience this combination of energy. Someone that I know has been having a tough time and for the past 6 months has been emanating hostility at those around him. He has alienated many of his relationships and this alienation has seemed to make him even more angry. I have prayed for him often yet, as I am more of an acquaintance than friend, I have not been involved in the situation.
This weekend things changed when he decided to target me with his abusive behavior. He did so in a way that didn't offer me the opportunity for an immediate response and I was given a day to process and choose my next steps carefully.
His attack on me had been about something personal and had been based on nothing as I had not done what I had been accused of. I realized that I could choose:
1) To respond in the same energy as him - i.e.. attacking him back.
My problem with this is twofold. One, it's not my path to be this type of person. Two, it won't solve anything to mirror to him how he is being other than potentially making him feel worse.
2) To respond with compassion and offer him the space to release what he needs and offer a mirror of love.
My challenge with this, though I do take this path sometimes, is that it seemed that was the mirror everyone was offering him and it didn't seem to be useful. Also, I'm more of a power and compassion person than compassion alone.
3) To find a way to offer both compassion and strength at the same time.
I chose #3. I realized that, while I could love him and pray for him, ultimately, I needed to hold my power in my response to him. Too many people around him had backed down and let him be abusive which really offered him a space to be both abusive and lonely. I decided to be in my strength and show him that I would not take his abuse AND I could still love him at the same time.
I held my power and compassion and it was an interesting experience. I told him the way he was acting was uncalled for and I wouldn't allow it to continue. I let him know when he was ready to be what I saw in him, powerful and kind...in pain and ready to take steps to work through the situation...he could contact me. I made it clear to him that I believed this wasn't him, that this was a part of him in pain and he was allowing it to lead him and run loose with anger, rather than allowing it to lead him to healing. I told him he needed to find a different way and that there were different ways, he would need to take the steps to find them. I affirmed that I knew as well that he had the power within himself to do that.
At first, he didn't know how to respond having spent six months having people run from him without holding their own. Then he shifted and laughed a bit. I assume he realized that there were others who could stand there with him and not be afraid. I watched him soften a bit. He didn't respond verbally at all, just shook his head and laughed in a grunting way and that was fine. No attachment was coming from me to move further than this. We left the situation clear of our boundaries and without the need for more.
Update on this subject
I never heard from him again. My friend offered that he left town for a while. I know he'll find his way.
Many Blessings, Jenifer
Since 1990, Jenifer has been working with individuals and businesses, empowering them in manifesting their goals and connecting to their deeper, intuitive selves/souls. As a coach, consultant, and holistic practitioner/healer, Jenifer provides her clients with an integrative approach to change and empower utilizing proven holistic methods, professional coaching practices, and solid business acumen to provide a powerful platform for transformation. As a healer, Jenifer assists individuals in releasing physical maladies and regaining their optimum physical, mental and spiritual health.
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